There is definitely a difference between praying, and praying passionately. Cesar and I had a great long talk last night about where I am in my life spiritually and personally. The main things I came away with was: Don’t just pray, but pray hard. And obviously guard your heart.
After I was saved, the first thing I asked God for was a good wife. Someone who is loving & caring, someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with, someone I can love for the rest of my days. Since then, in my walk with Christ, God has given me the wisdom to sit back and watch “potentials” come and go without the pain of a failed relationship. He’s taught me to guard my heart. To be patient. To be picky. To wait for the right woman that He has planned for me, and ill just know right then and there. The hardest part here is patience. I haven’t been in a meaningful relationship since my ex-wife, which was over 2 years ago. So I find myself praying, “When God?? When?? Ive done everything you have asked, so when will your promise come to pass?” I find myself resembling Abram in Genesis 12. God promised Abram a child, to which he would give all his land. At this point Abram was past the age of producing children at 75, but he held on to God’s promise for over 10 years. He then came to a point to where he felt he had to take matters into his own hands, and speed up God’s promise for him. So he took his wife’s maidservant, and made an effort to conceive, and start a family… and you know how the rest goes.
So how do I know if what im doing now is God’s will for me, or if its me being Abram trying to “Speed up” God’s promise for myself? I have to trust in God, because He knows what he is doing, and I don’t understand it. Of course, how can I? I’m only human. (Ecclesiastes 11:5) “As you do not know the path of the wind or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things.”
This is why im so thankful for my brothers, like Cesar, beside me to keep me grounded, and my focus on God. “Guard your heart. Go forward, and be intentional, but with caution. Take your time, and see if this is what He has planned for you. God has an amazing woman for you. God will place her with you on his timing. She could already be here, or she very well could have just entered the picture. The best thing you can do, bro, is just pray. And don’t just pray, but pray hard. Pray crazy hard. And after you do, and you have just this clarity, and peace… then that’s it, you know what His answer is.” Its crazy how, that’s just what I was thinking, but it makes soooo much more sense when he lays it out for me on the table.
God, thank you for my brothers you have put in my life. I pray for your guidance, your wisdom, and clarity. Make me into a man that would do your works, and that would please you. I don’t have to understand your ways. I trust you and only you. I am going to leave it in your hands. You know the deepest desires in my heart, and I’m going to keep chasing after you. Make me an effective spiritual leader and presence. Make me into a man that is worthy of one of your daughters. Make me into a man that she can look up to, and lean on spiritually. Make me into a man in which you are pleased. Amen.
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