I had an intimate conversation with Jesus today. probably one of the longest ones ive ever had with Him. ive come to Him for everything, but it was the first time ive come to Him for helping me clear my troubled heart. Granted, Ive never really had a troubled heart since ive been saved. My prayers to Jesus, are really more like conversations. I talk to Him as if he were sitting in the chair next to me. He is my closest friend, He is always there, and He always answers. Even if its not the answer I want to hear, He tells me because its not about what I want. its for Him.
I dont know about you, but I always ask Jesus a question and pray before I read my Bible. Today I asked Him, "What do i do when i get to the point in my life where i feel like ive run out of options? Why arnt there any safe places? No where i can rest? i need somewhere, where i can find comfort." Of course, He answers immediatly. i slipped my finger into my Bible, and randomly open it to the first page i came to, which was John 14. - Jesus Comforts His Deciples. i began reading and became so overwhelmed by His presence, that i couldnt even get past verse 6 - "I am the way and the truth and the life." Jesus cares for you me and me so much that, even in the face of the most horrific death that any one of us can imagine, He is completely unconcerned about himself, and more absorbed in the needs of his deciples; of us. One thing that i love about Jesus, is that, He is extremly blunt with me, and He tells me exactly what i need to hear.
---"Well, ok Jesus, i love you for that. i love you for giving up everything for me, and putting your people's needs and concerns above yourself. but, no disrespect, i still dont feel comforted. why doesnt my heart feel any lighter?"
---"The key to having comfort is simple: trusting faith. if you're unhappy, anxious, worried, confused, angry and need any kind of comfort, the reason is because you dont trust me like you should. If you really do trust me, what do you have to worry about?"
Jeez, now i feel like crap. i mean, here i am trying to be a representation of Jesus in eveything i do, and He tells me that i dont trust him like i should. i realized im so whacked, that i begin to focus only on my problems, and i dont put my trust in Christ. Im imperfect, and my trust comes and goes i guess, but its through my imperfections, that Christ is made perfect. He knows that even though my trust may falter from time to time, my love for him doesnt. Maybe, in the midst of my fears, ive been hoping, instead of trusting, that He would do something to reverse what seems like an impossible situation.
So then He says, "Son, my name is Jesus. i can read your heart like a billboard. I know whats on your mind. i share your sorrow. i feel the pain in your heart, and it hurts. You cannot feel my pain, but i can feel yours. What im trying to tell you is, put your trust in my presence. You believe in God, even though you can't see Him. Keep believing. You cant lose faith just because you cant see me. I'm still going to be with you."
We live in a world that has conflict. there is disappointment. there is pain. we all go through times where nothing goes right. times of lonliness, sorrow. but He is with us. Whatever trouble you may be in. whatever mess you are in. whatever anxiety you may have, just remember, Jesus is with you. Honestly, if you think about it, its almost better than if He were visable, because He's not limited by a physical body like you and I. he is where ever we need Him to be. If thats not comfort for you, then i dont know what is.
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