I'm afraid. In a week's time, I'm going to be a daddy again. This time to a beautiful little girl. I've done this before with my son, but it still doesn't make it any easier on my nerves. Am I going to be a good dad to her? I'm afraid of failure. Its in the back of my mind because I feel somewhat like I failed my son, not being able to keep our family together. I tell myself that he understands, and I really think he does. He's incredibly smart. I make every effort to see him and spend time with him when ever I can. We play football, video games, watch movies, wrestle, and even play jokes on his step mom and my wife, Jaclyn. I can see it in his eyes, he's happy.
But, what is a Father? What is he supposed to be? Who is he supposed to be? "Father" can be a positive word for many, but also a very painful one for others. When my son was born, he was the most amazing thing I had seen in my entire life. I promised him that no matter what, I would always be there for him. That I would never leave him, I will always love him, and that he can always count on me being there for him. I think i've done that pretty well, and ultimately, i'm going to promise my little girl the same thing. Not every little girl gets to be Daddy's little girl. Some kids have their dads walk out on them. Some will tell you that their dad "doesnt exist". Ive made a promise to myself that my kids will never say that about me, their Dad. If ever comes the day when I'm not here for them, it'll be the day that God takes me from this earth, and takes me home.
I always look back on my childhood at my dad as a model. My dad and I always had a great relationship. He always seemed to find time for me, even juggling two jobs. He had always held me to high standards (and still does), but those standards were never unreasonable: Always have a firm handshake, and look people in the eyes. To love people, because you never know who or where they'll be in the future. To make something of myself, to strive to be the best at what I do, but to never let my ambition come before my happiness. And above all, family ALWAYS comes first.
I can talk to my dad about anything, and feel very comfortable asking his advice on everything from finances, marriage, and just life in general. We have grown closer as I have gotten older because we share the same love for sports, entertainment, and family… But mostly sports, haha. I have never felt anything negative about our relationship in general, though of course there are times when we may not see eye to eye when he points out my flaws, but thats to be expected in any father/son relationship.
But, thats important to me because, I think that a father who is honest with his daughter about his own flaws becomes her confidant. I once read that If a father always finds time to cuddle, listen to, toss in the air, dance with, run alongside, coach, comfort, and protect his daughter, he will give her her the gift of life he is built to give. If a father withholds nothing, teaching his daughter the life skills she needs to know, he shares an active kind of respect for variety in a girl’s developing self. If a father competes with his daughter in games, but especially when she is young, lets her win her share of races, he is showing her both his own humility and her potential. Then, the man she sees as her father becomes more than an arm to walk down the aisle with, he becomes in his daughter’s mind, fearless.
I want to be someone she can trust, someone she can talk with, someone she can walk through life together with. I want to be someone who can humbly and brokenly reflect the love that her God has for her. I want to woo the heart of my daughter so that she knows that her beauty goes beyond the length of her hair and the color of her eyes. I want her to know that she is deeply beautiful because of Who made her. I want her to believe that her Father desires a deep and meaningful relationship with her, and so do I.
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