Taking A Gamble...

Ive had a lot of conversations lately, with both friends and family, about how and why im “crazy” and not working. Its pretty hard to explain to most people, and most people don’t understand. But, the people who do understand, matter the most to me. Is it because I was just bored with work and didn’t want to do it anymore? No. Why would it be? I enjoyed it. I liked going to work, making money and buying cool things.


Honestly, at first, I wasn’t sure why. I just knew that I had to, and I was trusting God that He knew what was best for me. And im coming to realize that he wants my life to be something awesome and amazing. But in order to do that, I needed some drastic changes in my life, hand it over to Him, and do what He wants. What He wanted first was a closer relationship with me. before, it was just me saying, “Oh yeah God, ok, well maybe ill talk to ya later, gotta run…”. And He sat me down one night night and said, “No. this isn’t what I want. I want all of you. I want to know you, and I want you to know me. I have a purpose for you, and this is how I am going to do it. But this is what I need from you: I need you to have faith in me.”

Since then, its been clear. Over the last few weeks our relationship has grown immensely. And ive realized that God has amazing goals us. It isn’t just to live a good “Christian Life”, where youre saved, and he comes and gives you some blessings, and then youre on your way chasing whatever is was that you were chasing in the first place. It isn’t just so he can hear you worship Him while He sits around saying, “Oh look how awesome I am…”. No, not at all. He wants to use you. He wants to come into your life, and totally change it and chunk it in a blender. He wants to change who you are as a person, He wants to change what you're doing, and He wants to completely change where youre going. When I tell this to most people, I get these crazy reactions like im the dumbest person alive, even from some Christian friends too. I think mainly because its scary, or its not “safe”. Well, having faith and trusting God isn’t about playing it safe. Theres always a risk involved when you go by faith. It’s a sort of gamble, I guess, when you choose to do something without knowing for sure if the results are going to be good. We call buying a lottery ticket a gamble, but purchasing stocks is an investment. Taking medicine that a doctor gives you is safe, but going the route of “self-medication” is a gamble. Honestly, think about it: Life really doesn’t hold any guarantees anyway. There is some sort of gambling element in everything we do, whether its driving a car, flying in a plane, or eating steak that’s cooked “rare”. Having faith with your life in His hands, to go in His direction, will lead you somewhere that’s even better than you can imagine. And when you take those steps, He starts with the little things around you. For instance: My friendships. They have grown stronger in the aspect that ive been able to pour into and minister to them. Even my relationship with my Ex-wife over the past few weeks has improved tremendously, and we haven’t done anything differently than the last 2 years.

Its amazing what He does with your life when you just take your hands off, and let it rest in His, giving him full control without any strings attached. The risk of faith is putting your work, or your future, or your issues completely into the hands of Jesus, and trusting Him to work out His will in your life. You're not guaranteed that you'll get what you want when its all said and done. But, It does guarantee peace and a sense of joy on the journey when you put God in the driver's seat, and say, “Not my will, but yours.” You may be on the brink of disaster, or flirting with temptation. You know who you are, you may have even come to me and talked to me about it. Take the risk of faith. Let go of your personal dreams and put them into God’s hands. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and dont lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

To live, is to “risk”. You wanna play it safe? Fine. Ill tell you how to play it safe. Play it safe by risking it all on Jesus.

Trust and Faith

Wednesday, 5.5.2010, 2:30am
So, I had another talk with Jesus just now, and actually before I got into all the important stuff, I asked Him,

--“Why is it always like, 2 in the morning when you wanna talk to me??”

--“It’s the time when you are willing to listen to me, when your body is settled, and your mind is calm…”

it totally makes sense. Now that a lot of my time is spent at home with friends, with kale, etc., most of my jesus time is in the evening after “bed time”. Ill often just sit down, and find myself lost in my Bible. Before I know it, ive been reading for 2 and a half hours, and then Jesus comes and sits next to me. I cant describe it, just a total complete peace that comes over me. If you read my last post a couple days ago, youd know that Jesus and i just recently had the “trust” talk. Tonight was a follow up on that somewhat. We talked in great detail about my life as it currently stands. I assured Him that I trust in Him completely, but I realized that its not just that simple.

--He said to me, “You don’t trust in me wholly with your life, until you cast your problems and burdens unto me. Trust me with them, and you will have peace.”

Amen to that. Haven’t you ever wished that you could shake off your difficulties and problems? That you could be freed from your cares? Give your problems to God. But, most of the time, we don’t. I think that most of us believe that God has a plan for us, but think we control the plan and try to do it all on our own. Are you kidding me?!? Its God’s plan! The maker of the universe! And you think that you can control the plan?? He wants to help you along His plan, for free! Its like going to the airport with 10 pieces of gigantic, heavy luggage, and the attendant says, “Hey, all that looks heavy. Tell you what, ill help you with all that, get you checked in, and have it all delivered to your hotel for you at your destination city…. FREE.” And then you say, “Oh cool, well, thanks, but I think ill just take it all with me as carry-on bags, theyre all going to the same place…”. For reals?! C’mon. as stupid as that sounds, that’s what ive been doing lately with all my issues. Trusting that He’ll take care of them, but never really casting them unto him at all. how can He take care of them, if i dont give them to him? kinda like some one  who wants to cook you dinner, and you invite them to do so, but oh yeah, my gas is off, and my stove and oven dont work. But, by all means, cook me dinner without everything you need! (haha, sorry Amy and Jackie! but yall did amazing anyways!) Rather than trusting God, we turn to something that is not worthy of our trust at all. We cant place our trust in money. “Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy. Let them do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, storing up for themselves a good foundation for the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life” (1 Timothy 6:17-19). You cant trust in your own understanding. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). Sometimes God allows us to experience difficulties so we will learn to place our trust in Him. Place your trust in Him, and He will take care of you, and you will be free of fear.

Its not easy. Fear is tough. One of my biggest fears is being “alone” for the rest of my life. That’s the main thing that I have trouble giving to Him, I guess. Cesar and I had a good conversation last night about us as dudes, and where we stand with women. I let him know that I was afraid of never finding that person. What if I never meet her? What if I never find her?? His answer, just, is why I am so thankful for my brothers like him surrounding me. He says, “Bro, its not your job to find her. Its your job to do everything that you can to prepare yourself for her. Be a leader. Strengthen your relationship with Jesus, and make Him your #1 priority. And then, Jesus brings her to you. Jesus knows the desires in your heart, because He put them there. He isn’t going to put anything in your heart that He isn’t going to fulfill for you.” Man, I cant even begin to explain… So I go straight to Jesus, and say,

--“Ok Jesus, just a shot in the dark here, but, when am I going to meet this girl? Im ready, right??”

--“i love you dearly, and you are not going to have just any woman. you are going to have a sister in Christ, one of my daughters. But, she too must be ready. you must walk by faith, even if you cannot see where I am leading you.”

It never occurred to me that, just because I may be ready, doesn’t mean that God is finished in her life and shes ready. not just anyone, one of His daughters. so, I will gladly walk blindly by faith. Kinda like that feeling you have when your blindfolded, looking for that piñata. That little mini adrenaline rush because you don’t know if youll trip on something, or your friend is gonna sucker punch you in the stomach. yeah, but I love that feeling not knowing exactly where im going. but Jesus knows....

My Troubled Heart...

      I had an intimate conversation with Jesus today. probably one of the longest ones ive ever had with Him. ive come to Him for everything, but it was the first time ive come to Him for helping me clear my troubled heart. Granted, Ive never really had a troubled heart since ive been saved. My prayers to Jesus, are really more like conversations. I talk to Him as if he were sitting in the chair next to me. He is my closest friend, He is always there, and He always answers. Even if its not the answer I want to hear, He tells me because its not about what I want. its for Him.
     
     I dont know about you, but I always ask Jesus a question and pray before I read my Bible. Today I asked Him, "What do i do when i get to the point in my life where i feel like ive run out of options? Why arnt there any safe places? No where i can rest? i need somewhere, where i can find comfort." Of course, He answers immediatly. i slipped my finger into my Bible, and randomly open it to the first page i came to, which was John 14. - Jesus Comforts His Deciples. i began reading and became so overwhelmed by His presence, that i couldnt even get past verse 6 - "I am the way and the truth and the life." Jesus cares for you me and me so much that, even in the face of the most horrific death that any one of us can imagine, He is completely unconcerned about himself, and more absorbed in the needs of his deciples; of us. One thing that i love about Jesus, is that, He is extremly blunt with me, and He tells me exactly what i need to hear.
     ---"Well, ok Jesus, i love you for that. i love you for giving up everything for me, and putting your people's needs and concerns above yourself. but, no disrespect, i still dont feel comforted. why doesnt my heart feel any lighter?"
     ---"The key to having comfort is simple: trusting faith. if you're unhappy, anxious, worried, confused, angry and need any kind of comfort, the reason is because you dont trust me like you should. If you really do trust me, what do you have to worry about?"

        Jeez, now i feel like crap. i mean, here i am trying to be a representation of Jesus in eveything i do, and He tells me that i dont trust him like i should. i realized im so whacked, that i begin to focus only on my problems, and i dont put my trust in Christ. Im imperfect, and my trust comes and goes i guess, but its through my imperfections, that Christ is made perfect. He knows that even though my trust may falter from time to time, my love for him doesnt. Maybe, in the midst of my fears, ive been hoping, instead of trusting, that He would do something to reverse what seems like an impossible situation.

      So then He says, "Son, my name is Jesus. i can read your heart like a billboard. I know whats on your mind. i share your sorrow. i feel the pain in your heart, and it hurts. You cannot feel my pain, but i can feel yours. What im trying to tell you is, put your trust in my presence. You believe in God, even though you can't see Him. Keep believing. You cant lose faith just because you cant see me. I'm still going to be with you."

     We live in a world that has conflict. there is disappointment. there is pain. we all go through times where nothing goes right. times of lonliness, sorrow. but He is with us. Whatever trouble you may be in. whatever mess you are in. whatever anxiety you may have, just remember, Jesus is with you. Honestly, if you think about it, its almost better than if He were visable, because He's not limited by a physical body like you and I. he is where ever we need Him to be. If thats not comfort for you, then i dont know what is.

Joy...

     Earlier today, I was talking with a good friend about their past experiences with a church. It seemed to me as if they have never had that sense of Joy that we experience as true Christ followers. Almost as if they were afraid of it, or there being some sort of “catch” to following Jesus. I mean, they were happy, there’s no question about that. But, there was no “joy”. There is a big difference between “happiness” and “joy”. Just look at the definitions alone: Happiness is just defined as Good fortune, pleasure, and contentment. All of which are temporary feelings. Good fortune can be replaced by bad fortune. Pleasure by displeasure. Contentment by discontent. Joy on the other hand is defined as the emotion of great delight or elation caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying. That something is the love of our God, giving us that sense of pure joy, or elation that cant be taken away from us.
     I love 1 Thessalonians 5:16 - "Rejoice always." That's it. Just... rejoice always. You can even read it backwards if you want to, and it still makes sense. “Always rejoice". Isnt that awesome? Ok, well, I thought it was. Anyways, the verse commands us to rejoice. Just... Joy. Now, in light of recent happenings such as earthquakes, etc., there are plenty of excuses to be stressed, upset, anxious, scared, doubtful… the list goes on and on. But, not for us. And by us, I mean Christ followers. We are told to rejoice always. And its not like its mentioned only once. In Philippians rejoicing and joy is mentioned over 15 times. Just a few examples:
    
     1.) Philippians 2:17-18 - “…I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18 So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.”

     2.) Philippians 2:29 - “Welcome him in the lord with great Joy, and honor men like him.”

     3.) Philippians 3:1 - “Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the lord!”

     There should not be any one thing, person, event or circumstance in life that should strip us of our joy. Does that sound unrealistic? Does that sound impossible? Yes?? Well, why does it? The Bible commands us to rejoice. How often? ALWAYS.

     Ok, so how do we do it? Well, although joy and rejoicing is mentioned plenty in Philippians, it certainly is not the only book its mentioned in. Look at 1 Peter 4:13 - "Keep on rejoicing even to the degree that you share in the sufferings of Christ."

     Do you rejoice in your suffering? Do you rejoice in your pain, or in your difficulty? Well that is what the Bible calls us to do. It's sort of like, as your suffering escalates, so should your rejoicing. I mean, even on the night of His betrayal, Jesus has this talk with the deciples in which He leaves them many things. And one of the things that Jesus leaves, is His own is joy. He continually refers to joy, or full joy. He even says, "Everything I'm saying to you is so that your joy may be full." So pretty much, I'm leaving here, I'm going to die, I'm going to be crucified. You're going to have a lot of trouble in this world, you'll have tribulation. They'll pursue you. Those in charge will come after you, they'll kill you. If they've persecuted Me, they'll persecute you... and all that jazz, you know how it goes. But, I'm telling you all these things because I want you to have full joy. Crazy. I mean, even in these circumstances, the death of the Lord, the loss of Him who was their life... in all of that He said, “You should have full joy.”

     This is an amazing joy, something not of this world. A joy that belongs to Christ followers only, something that's in our soul, from the Spirit. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy..." This is joy that comes from the Holy Spirit. We have a love that is not a worldly love, a peace that is not the peace the world gives us. And we have a joy that is different. It's a deep joy. It's not a joy the world knows. Its from Jesus, and spread by the Holy Spirit. And no circumstance should cause the absence of that joy.

Guard your heart....

    There is definitely a difference between praying, and praying passionately. Cesar and I had a great long talk last night about where I am in my life spiritually and personally. The main things I came away with was: Don’t just pray, but pray hard. And obviously guard your heart.
    
    After I was saved, the first thing I asked God for was a good wife. Someone who is loving & caring, someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with, someone I can love for the rest of my days. Since then, in my walk with Christ, God has given me the wisdom to sit back and watch “potentials” come and go without the pain of a failed relationship. He’s taught me to guard my heart. To be patient. To be picky. To wait for the right woman that He has planned for me, and ill just know right then and there. The hardest part here is patience. I haven’t been in a meaningful relationship since my ex-wife, which was over 2 years ago. So I find myself praying, “When God?? When?? Ive done everything you have asked, so when will your promise come to pass?” I find myself resembling Abram in Genesis 12. God promised Abram a child, to which he would give all his land. At this point Abram was past the age of producing children at 75, but he held on to God’s promise for over 10 years. He then came to a point to where he felt he had to take matters into his own hands, and speed up God’s promise for him. So he took his wife’s maidservant, and made an effort to conceive, and start a family… and you know how the rest goes.

     So how do I know if what im doing now is God’s will for me, or if its me being Abram trying to “Speed up” God’s promise for myself? I have to trust in God, because He knows what he is doing, and I don’t understand it. Of course, how can I? I’m only human. (Ecclesiastes 11:5) “As you do not know the path of the wind or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things.”

     This is why im so thankful for my brothers, like Cesar, beside me to keep me grounded, and my focus on God. “Guard your heart. Go forward, and be intentional, but with caution. Take your time, and see if this is what He has planned for you. God has an amazing woman for you. God will place her with you on his timing. She could already be here, or she very well could have just entered the picture. The best thing you can do, bro, is just pray. And don’t just pray, but pray hard. Pray crazy hard. And after you do, and you have just this clarity, and peace… then that’s it, you know what His answer is.” Its crazy how, that’s just what I was thinking, but it makes soooo much more sense when he lays it out for me on the table.

     God, thank you for my brothers you have put in my life. I pray for your guidance, your wisdom, and clarity. Make me into a man that would do your works, and that would please you. I don’t have to understand your ways. I trust you and only you. I am going to leave it in your hands. You know the deepest desires in my heart, and I’m going to keep chasing after you. Make me an effective spiritual leader and presence. Make me into a man that is worthy of one of your daughters. Make me into a man that she can look up to, and lean on spiritually. Make me into a man in which you are pleased. Amen.